Do you remember 5th grade? If not, let me refresh your memory. If yes, sit down and read it anyway. Hey I am Julia and I am in 5th grade. My goal in life is to be a Search and Rescue. I love dogs and I want to work with them. Your probably thinking I could be a groomer or a vet. I have a answer for you. I don’t like giving dogs shots and checking around there bodies. And I only want to work with one dog.I have other goals too. For example I want to get married and have kids. But for now I am here at Saticoy Elementry with the two best teachers in the world. Their names are Mrs. Gieb and Mr. Wulff. I have two sisters ,a mom and two dogs. Oh I almost forgot a betta fish. My moms name is Donna, sisters names are Rachel who is 14 and Paulina who is 12. My dogs are named JD and Chloe and my betta fish is named Flame. His nickname is flameboy I like to act and play softball.i play softball for try valley in the fall. I also like to write. I like to write songs and letters. I want you to know I have written through 6 journals. I have two very good friends named Heather who is very funny and smart and Angelina who is smart and funny. I met Heather at a going away party for the people that house my family and i were going to move into. we have been best friends ever since. I met Angelina at school last year. she is in my nclass this year and we have gotten to know each other better.if someone was writing this about me they would say i am a funny person and i just want to have fun. i love joking around with my friends on a saturday afternoon . i love penguins and thecolor red. i love red beacause it is a original color and it goes with any color. i love penguins because they just waddle around and act cute just like me. i am 5 foot 1 and as tall as lady gaga. i come from a tall family. sometimes it is fun to be tall so you can act like your mom or something .but sometimes it a pain becauseall of my friends are smaller pthan me so i am a loner. Reader Feedback Julia, your essay is excellent and your portrait is fantastic! Could you please separate these into paragraphs and tell me more about you playing softball? Also, tell me more about what you like to write and some interesting information about your pets or friends. I can't wait to read more! --Mrs. Geib P.S. I love how you started and ended your story...just get rid of "the end" part because we know it's the end since you stopped writing!
Students: Give positive feedback/constructive criticism here!
For example,
I enjoyed your personal examples and how the words flowed so well in your essay. Thank you for sharing! -- Mrs. Geib
I like to act and play softball.i play softball for try valley in the fall. I also like to write. I like to write songs and letters. I want you to know I have written through 6 journals. I have two very good friends named Heather who is very funny and smart and Angelina who is smart and funny. I met Heather at a going away party for the people that house my family and i were going to move into. we have been best friends ever since. I met Angelina at school last year. she is in my nclass this year and we have gotten to know each other better.if someone was writing this about me they would say i am a funny person and i just want to have fun. i love joking around with my friends on a saturday afternoon . i love penguins and the color red. i love red beacause it is a original color and it goes with any color. i love penguins because they just waddle around and act cute just like me. i am 5 foot 1 and as tall as lady gaga. i come from a tall family. sometimes it is fun to be tall so you can act like your mom or something .but sometimes it a pain becauseall of my friends are smaller pthan me so i am a loner.
Reader Feedback
Julia, your essay is excellent and your portrait is fantastic! Could you please separate these into paragraphs and tell me more about you playing softball? Also, tell me more about what you like to write and some interesting information about your pets or friends. I can't wait to read more! --Mrs. Geib
P.S. I love how you started and ended your story...just get rid of "the end" part because we know it's the end since you stopped writing!
Students: Give positive feedback/constructive criticism here!
For example,
I enjoyed your personal examples and how the words flowed so well in your essay. Thank you for sharing! -- Mrs. Geib